I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
