I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
