And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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