Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
