It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
