WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
