and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
