I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
