My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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