in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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