I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So apparently I’m into choking now
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize