I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A+ Viking dick
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
