i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
