I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
