My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
