I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
