I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
