we have officially lost it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
