What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
