Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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