what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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