The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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