But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
