If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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