just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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