I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
