the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
