so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just googled if crying burns calories
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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