Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
