I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
