: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
