I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
