I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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