It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
