i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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