Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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