His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He passed out mid-signature
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
