In the future we'll all be gay
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am available for nakedness
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is