you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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