I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something