dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life