I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.