You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
