i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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