i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
