Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
All I want is dick and wine.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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