When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
