it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize