She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
