seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
