Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
