the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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