Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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