I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
