I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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