if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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