I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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