You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
