Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
