Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
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We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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