I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
