the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
