i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
