sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
