I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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