things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
