she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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