How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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